I posted a list of Scripture verses yesterday about what God thinks of us. I forget easily and so I have to remind myself daily.
My prayer is that the truth of these verses would so sink into the deep crevices of my heart and mind so that even when I’m asleep, these truths will be continually played in my subconscious mind.
As I mentioned earlier, new brain research shows we are able to change our DNA by what we think and believe. I want the truth of God’s Word to be so ingrained in me so that it’s part of my new DNA.
Lately, I’ve been more aware of the thoughts that come into my mind, and I’m taken back by how many of those thoughts are negative, critical and downright lies. I wonder, is it me or someone else speaking these thoughts into my mind? Where does it come from?
And so it’s like playing whack-a-mole – hitting the negative thought with God’s Word or a simple repentant prayer. But I lose my way and one of these thoughts which at the onset doesn’t seem so bad takes root and I nurse it further with other untruths and soon I’m lost and paralyzed by fear.
For example, I’ve been working hard this fall to open a new library with books in English at our Christian school. And almost every day, I’ve battled thoughts like,
Why bother? No one will come. You’re not a librarian. You don’t know what you are doing. You’re too disorganized to make this work. The parents will be so disappointed in what you have to offer…
I heard a preacher once say that a sure sign that we are not walking as God‘s children is when we are constantly thinking about ourselves. You are always on your mind instead of God or the things of God.
And since then, I realized that I was on my mind way too much in an unhealthy way.
Like Eve, who believed the lies of the Serpent, I begin to doubt God’s goodness and my life gets derailed. I pick up the old habits of striving and trying to make something of myself.
I began blogging more consistently ever since I joined Jerry Jenkins Writer’s Guild at the start of this year. I met other writers pursuing their dream of writing, and I realized that I had buried mine many years ago.
So this year has been a year of an awakening of sorts as I get a clearer picture of God’s purpose for my life. My joy grows every time I’m able to sit down and write, and I think this must be it!
But within a short while, I find myself almost idolizing this dream to write. I have the urge to prove to myself to my parents and siblings. If I write a book, I think, they will finally see that I made something of my life.
Thankfully, I now know better. I whack the thought with a prayer.
Loving Father, help me to write for the pure joy of it and not to prove myself. I’m loved and accepted by you. Help me to leave the striving at the foot of the cross.
Some days I get by simply by reciting verses in my mind. And I see how my emotions and feelings gradually change. The Bible says that God’s Word does not return void. Praise God! You can never go wrong when you memorize and meditate on His Word.